Dialogue story

"Hello, Mr. Hobbit"
"Why, hello, child."
"How are you doing today?"
"AAAH! They're all going to nuke us!"
"Please calm down Mr. Hobbit."
"The spirits-they're coming for me!"
"Mr. Hobbit..."
"Burn the witch!"
"Nurse! He's acting up again!"
"Oh, what say you and I go jump off of a cliff together, eh? Much fun, much fun."
"NURSE!"
"Much fun..."
"Yes?"
"Mr. Hob-"
"much, much fun..."
"Just use the sedative!"
"Oh, no need for parachutes. I can fly, see? It will be so, so, so much... so... so much... fun..."
"Finally! Nurse, what took you so long?"
"I'm sorry. Patient 52 was saying that he's Cinderella, again. He's gotten even more delusional than ever."
"I can't believe I've been forced to work in a mental hospital. Soon enough, I'll go insane, too!"
"I really doubt tha-"
"Boom! Boom! Ah! The bombs! No, not the bombs!"
"He woke up?"
"I suppose so..."
"But how?"
"What is this? A poison gas chamber? Would you like me to accompany me into it?"
"His condition is getting worse!"
"Oh, the pretty butterflies. Come with me into the gas chamber!"
"What's happening?"
"I'm the Duke of Ellington! You must do what I say!"
"At this rate, he'll never be released!"

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

"Oh, what a horrible dream!"
"Please, let us enter the poison gas chamber, or the Japanese will get us."

The Life and Times of a Not-So-Skinny-Kid

I feel the vibrations of my feet hitting the sidewalk run up my spine. I feel the pounding of my heart beating rapidly in my chest. I feel everything when I'm afraid, but this time, it wasn’t fear. It was pain. The pain in my tired lungs. The pain of overexertion. No! No! No! I don't want to do this! I think.

A whistle blows, and I stop running immediately. I fall to my knees with a loud thump, raising my chubby hands to the sky, silently thanking God. I’m sweating buckets, and I try to look at my feet, embarrassed… But I can’t see them. My stomach is blocking my view

Oh, the pain. The pain that I want to wash away. No, not with sleep, but with Doritos. I want to lick the heavenly cheese flavored goodness off of my fingers.

“Uh, why are you licking your fingers?”

“What?” I raise my eyes to stare at a classmate, index finger in my mouth. I’m salivating like a dog, covering it in spit. Grabbing the attention of the other shorts and t-shirt clad students., I astonish the boy by screaming, “WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!?!?” I yank my finger out of my mouth, sending saliva soaring towards his face.

“Nooooo!” He yells in fear, and falls back, trying to escape from the cascade of slobber. But it’s too late, and his whole left cheek is covered in a luminescent liquid dribbling down his neck. “Gross!” He screams like a little girl, going insane with disgust. I spit at him, causing him to run away, horrified. Shrugging, I walk through the path cleared for me, the mob of disgusted looking faces watching my every move.

But before I can get very far, I’m called over to the gym teacher, who says harshly, “YOU THERE! FIVE MORE LAPS!” I fall to my knees again, but this time cursing God, yelling, “WHY?!?!?! WHY?!?!?! WHY?!?!?!”

Then I stand up and waddle away to the track, where I start my slow and painful five laps.

-pen prodigy

Diary of a Vampire

Diary of a Vampire
By Edward Sam Cullen

June 7, 2003

I am a vampire. I have all of the evidence to prove it. I have pale and pasty, cold skin, as well as gold eyes. I even sparkle, though my friend, Tim, is convinced that it’s only the glitter lotion that I put on every morning.

Tim has other dreams. He hates twilight, and I just can’t seem to be able to get him to join Team, Jacob, like me. Tim wants to be part of the mafia in New York City, but when he was beaten up during his initiation, I’m fairly sure that those hopes all went flying out of the window. He managed to pocket a Nerf gun on his way out, though, which he used to shoot his foot with out of pure boredom and insanity. I know what you’re thinking, just a Nerf gun, right? Wrong. Tim lost 2 and one third gallons of blood that day…

But back to me the self-centered jerk that we all love. I work in a cubicle in THE Dunder Mifflin building, but my boss swears that it’s just any other office complex. Says I’m delusional. Psh. Suuure…
Instead of working, I spend my time holed up in that little tiny office space of mine, pulling at my unruly hair, typing away at my Fan Fiction story. I munch at my party sized bag of cheesy Doritos while simultaneously trying to decide whether Bella should get together with Jacob or Edward. I mean, sure, I’m Team Jacob, but I’m still a vampire. I’ve got to stay true to my kind, right?
So, that’s basically what I do at work. I mean, who actually works at work, right? Right? RIGHT? That’s right. No one.
Good. So now that we have all that cleared up, more about my life.... I have an arch enemy. As a matter of fact, he’s a rather harry boy named Jake. I’m absolutely sure that he’s a werewolf.
Everyone calls me Sam, but I just know that my real name is Edward. It even says so on my birth certificate! Oh, wait. Nope. It just says that my name is Sam. Never mind then... But as soon as I’m old enough, I Am legally changing it to my real name! Edward!
I live in California, but I belong in Forks with the love of my life. I’m sure of it. I should totally be there instead of running away from the people that want to take me to the “mental hospital”… Whatever that is. I think they’re really the Vulturi, but in disguise. Yes, that’s gotta be it! No wonder they’re after me! That explains the wanted posters!
My true love will be somebody named Isabel. She won't sparkle like me, though. Oh well... I guess I'll just have to let her use some of my everlasting supply of glitter lotion.
I haven’t met her yet, but when I do, I will introduce myself as Eddy, not Sam, and not-so-slowly weasel my way into her life… starting with science class. I’ll situate myself next to her in science and prove myself a genius. In gym class, I’ll awe her with my amazing ability of speed by completing the mile in under 3 minutes without breaking a sweat. I’m so, so close to my goal. I can run half of a mile in 11 minutes and 17 seconds only! I’m doing so well!
Oh, there I go day dreaming again. Well, I have to go now. My family, Carl, Rosy, Joseph, Allison, and Esther are holding a convention for me. I don’t want to go, but they are baiting me with oh, so tempting glitter lotion. I can’t turn down that offer now, can I?

Edward Sam Cullen

-pen prodigy