So I’m guessing you all know what Maximum Ride is, right? I mean, who doesn’t? Well, actually, maybe some. They haven’t even read the series! That’s so stupid! Well, I guess I’m not really in the right position to be saying that right now, me having not read The Hunger Games yet, and it apparently being a really good book. But don’t worry! I’m going to! I currently have it checked out from the school library and it’s in the queue for books to read. I’ll start on it right after I finish the threequal to the Gemma Doyle chronicles: The Sweet Far Thing by Libba Bray. They’re great books; check the first one out at a library. It’s called A Great and Terrible Beauty, and the next one is Rebel Angels. Even if you don’t like non-fiction stories about girls with special powers, you’ll love it. It’s still a page-turner. And don’t worry, it’s not as cheesy as it sounds… just be prepared for big words and mind blowing concepts.
But that’s beside the point. The Maximum Ride series is enticing assortment of kick as…- (LANGUAGE!) butt drama… It tells the story of six avian-human hybrids. In simpler terms: bird kids. They’re names? Maximum Ride, Fang, Iggy, Nudge, Gazzy, and Angel. I won’t go into all the details so as not to bore you. What I really want to get into is the last, and most recent book, Angel: a maximum Ride Novel by James Patterson. Even though it raises the potential for the final Eighth book, “the end of maximum ride” (insert sad face here), I was still disappointed in it. I wasted $18, and there were several things I found wrong with it:
1. What’s with the weird sentences on the cover? I mean I know that it’s to “hook” your readers, but still... On the top left corner, it reads “Angel knows how it all ends”. Creepy, right? Perhaps even more creepy than Fang’s message: “Angel says Fang will be the first to die. Angel is never wrong.” I mean really. Those were both false. I don’t mean to be a spoiler or anything, but Fang does not die (yet) and I’m pretty sure that nothing was mentioned about Angel “knowing stuff”. It seems that the egotistical Angel is ALWAYS wrong, as opposed to “NEVER WRONG”. Psh. Angels knows how it ends… Suuuure… Still, what a creepy way to start off a book.
1. What’s with the weird sentences on the cover? I mean I know that it’s to “hook” your readers, but still... On the top left corner, it reads “Angel knows how it all ends”. Creepy, right? Perhaps even more creepy than Fang’s message: “Angel says Fang will be the first to die. Angel is never wrong.” I mean really. Those were both false. I don’t mean to be a spoiler or anything, but Fang does not die (yet) and I’m pretty sure that nothing was mentioned about Angel “knowing stuff”. It seems that the egotistical Angel is ALWAYS wrong, as opposed to “NEVER WRONG”. Psh. Angels knows how it ends… Suuuure… Still, what a creepy way to start off a book.
2. To add to the creep fest, the cover itself is just mysteriously… retarded… Now please, don’t bag on me or cuss me out just because you disagree. Now, back to business. Girl on the cover… Max? Or Angel? I mean, it could be Angel, considering to name of the book, but doesn’t she seem just a tad but old? Maybe 10 years or so? Just a little. And then there’s that weird emo guy standing on the tree... Now, normally I would think of Fang, but then again, doesn’t Iggy have white wings? The opposite color of Fang’s? Yeah… I’m pretty sure he does. In Chapter 44, page 157, there’s a part where Iggy perches on a tree branch whilst several delusional and brainwashed children worship him from below. So maybe it is Iggy… Hmmm… I wonder…3. The chapters. One word. SHORT. Sure, they give you a sense of accomplishment: “I JUST FINISHED A CHAPTER IN 3 MINUTES AND 37 SECONDS! OMG!!!" But then again...It was only two pages long. It makes me feel stupid. How about you?
4. This seems to be a reoccurring problem. “GARSH DARN IT JP I DON’T KNOW WHETHER MAX IS BLONDE, BRUNNETTE, DIRTY BLONDE, BLONDE WITH BROWN STREAKS, ORBRUNNETTE WITH BLONDE STREAKS! (takes a gimoungous breath) OR IF IGGY IS STRAWBERRY BLONDE OR REDDISH BROWN HAIRED!!!!!!” Has anybody else noticed that the hair color confusion, which used to be centered on Max, is now geared towards Iggy, who now has “reddish brown” hair? I mean, really. Listen kids; don’t pay attention to anything but a very reliable source. And no… that’s not James Patterson… (his memory can’t be trusted) Who knows what’ll happen next? Fang with pink hair? That leads me to my next point.
5. Seriously, JP. Get your characters right. Fang with pink hair? That would be really fitting after Angel. His personality is way off. Wasn’t he always described as that girl magnet of a brick wall with that undeniably impenetrable façade? Why, yes. Yes, in fact, he was. And now? Bye-bye brick wall!
“’…It’ll be tough for us to work together as a group, but you need to suck it up, try to get along, and treat each other with respect,’ [Fang said]” (pg. 74) Whoa, hold up. This is fang? Heart felt comments? I know what you’re thinking: WHAT?!?!?! -------->
Well, if you don’t believe me, read the book! And, read THIS excerpt as well… It really makes me want to gag.
“…[Fang] Googled ‘team building’. Which, he discovered, really meant a rousing little game of Never Have I Ever.” (pg.137) Fang? What? What's HE doing playing Never Have I Ever? Isn't that the Nudge Channel's job?
6. “’It’s very simple Dr. Martinez,’ said Hansey. ‘We want Max to… breed. To produce heirs.” (pg. 30)
Uh, ew. Gross. DISGUSTING! I thought these books were for young readers… If you know what I mean. Cough cough.
7. Page 75 and 77: “Fang spun around and saw max standing there, giving him the sardonic simile he knew so well... ‘Her name is-‘ Fang began, but Max II interrupted him. ‘Maya, they call me Maya.’”
Page 122: “…Fang and someone else came into the picture... There I was! In a strange hotel room! Fang was grinning… and I grinned back.... I stared at Angel. ‘And I don’t remember this cute little scene because…?’[Max said.] ‘Max II. ’[Angel said]... Not only had he left, but he’d replaced me with an exact copy of me. How unfair was that?”
AAAH! JP! You know how us crazed fan girls are, so don’t be surprised by our enraged reactions. What ever happened to Max and Fang? Fang and Max? “Fax”? “Mang”? Why?! WHY?!?! WHY?!?!?! No, seriously, though… Why? And then you make it even worse (if possible) by adding Dylan into the picture? WHAT?!?!?!
“[Dylan] pulled me close and kissed me-hard.”
“Dylan gave my hand a squeeze and smiled weakly.”
“…[Dylan] lay next to me quietly and put his arm around my shoulders.”
Makes retching noise. AGH! THIS IS SO FRUSTRATING!
I will end this review on a more... kind… note to by writing a very short never-to-be-sent letter to James Patterson:
Dear James Patterson,
Please, please, PLEASE, re-write Angel… Naw I’m just kidding, but the 8th one better be good…
-Pen Prodigy
